I
Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant
I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed
me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads
in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like
Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can
do?
I just wish I was queer so I could
get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like
me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine
how great it would be
Incognito as a gay though but not
actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe
just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the
fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would
be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous
but also is synonymous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so
she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares
that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't take a week before
I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get
chick
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like
me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin'
in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage
I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell
of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't
wanna be a queen
I just wish I was queer so I could
get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to
change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist
his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn
the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and
avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get
chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like
me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly |