Three
Point One Four
My last girlfriend didn't like me
thought she might be
Most likely a dyke she just didn't
excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun but
she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky than
a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would
have been much better company
Ass like a donkey acting funky
gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker
than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread
your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest
peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything
but I can come in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of
girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with
a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know
that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet
like a Rice Krispie Treat gee
You know what I really want in
a girl? Me
I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like
vagina
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina
Women are like dog doo hear me through
don't interrupt
It's just the older that they are
the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap clean
the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than
be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge I like
my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free American
singles only
I want my next chick anorexic the
winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass
out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll
chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up
I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack the
whip but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a
girl that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX smart
like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words to make fun
of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of
the Dewey Decimal System gee
You know what I really want in
a girl? Me
I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like
vagina
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina
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